Dying to Be Born Again
by SillyLesbianPanda
Summary: Discontinued. Squad 11 is sent to collect the souls of the Straw hats pirates, who are soon to die. Yumichika x Zoro.


Okay this plot bunny has been bugging me for awhile

Okay this plot bunny has been bugging me for awhile. This is COMPLETELY out of my normal comfort range. It's gonna be a loosely historic, AU, crossover with BLEACH, and One Piece. Maybe some Naruto, but it would be extremely minor and totally OOC characters (Probably only Sai, I love that little fruit). Maybe all the characters will be OCC. Maybe not. I don't control my writing, and fuck if I know who does. (But my best bet would be on the Easter Bunny, that pervy furry motha fucker.) I'm actually thinking of doing this in a diary format, with a different character writing each chapter.

PAIRINGS WILL PROBABLY BE (not set in stone or anything):

Zoro x Yumichika (don't question it, just enjoy the bishie crack)

Ikkaku x Kira

Reji x Uryu

Yoruichi x Soi Fong

Ace x Luffy

Tousen x Sajin

More will come soon, maybe. I might not even do all these. Depends how soon I get bored. Yay for blaming my A.D.D.!

Also I'm just using the dates to show it's the time when pirates were  
around and it's before Ichigo and shit. I don't plan on being overly  
accurate or anything.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

First up, Yumichika

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

April 21, 1708

Location: 12 miles off the cost of Port Royal.

Weather: Clear, humid, very little wind

Today I my hair was completely unmanageable. I must have brushed it eighty times, I tried everything I could think of to keep it down. But no, God must be envious of my perfect looks, so she sent down awful humid weather to sabotage me!

Bitch. I'm officially a Satanist. Bring on the flames of Hell, at least  
that is a dry heat.

And Ikkaku was such a bitch about it, laughing his boney ass off when he saw the horrid mess of my hair. He's lucky I'm so mild and sweet, I was coming close to switching his eye balls with his testicles.

Kenpachi-taichou says we'll find out our mission tomorrow. The sooner we get the mission over with, the sooner I can get back home. The human world is so fugly. I miss my sakura trees, and my koi pond. I especially miss looking at myself in the placid surface of the koi pond. When my hair is prefect again. Until then, I guess I'll just pull it back and let my flawless skin take center stage for awhile.

Yours Beautifully,

Yumi

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

April 22, 1708

Location: Somewhere close to yesterday think. I stopped caring for today.

Weather: Cloudy, but not nearly as humid. God must have been worried she'd  
lose me as a follower. She's just lucky I'm so merciful and forgiving.

Kenpachi-taichou says we're supposed to follow a group of pirates.  
Apparently the old man wants us to make sure they get to the Soul Society right.

They must be something special. But not as special as me.

Even though the humidity is so much better, I think I'll keep my hair  
pulled back. Yachiru says it looks better this way. I tried to get the taichou and Ikkaku-chan to give me some input on it, but Ikkaku was being an ass, and the taichou told me to stop being a disgusting faggot. I hate them today.

I'm surprised at how easy this sailing thing is. (I still have no idea  
where this boat came from. I think It's a Chinese Junk, but I'm probably wrong) Ikkaku doesn't agree with me, he got tangled up in the ropes and almost strangled himself. I simply almost died laughing. All it takes is some concentration and organization. I almost fear for the day he doesn't have me to baby him. He won't last the week.

Apparently I'm also the only one who has any idea how to get to navigate to our targets. How hard is it to read a compass? Seriously. Now I'm stuck with navigating too. Sometimes, it's hard being perfect.

Yours Beautifully,

Yumi

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

April 24, 1708

Location: Tortuga

Weather: I can't tell, it's too disgusting here for me to notice.

I hate Tortuga. It's everything I hated about Ikkaku's and my traveling  
days. Fighting, cheap booze and hookers everywhere. But it smells even worse. I think some people just pull their pants down where ever and shit. Why our targets would want to spend time here is beyond me. But Kenpachi-taichou doesn't want to keep Yachiru here for too long, thank God. Yes, God is back in my good graces. She's just a lucking wench.

Today wasn't totally worthless though. While Ikkaku-chan flirted with some fugly women (poor Kira), and Yachiru and Kenpachi-taichou did whatever the fuck they do, once again, I, the wonderful Yumichika, did the work. I found the targets ship. It didn't take long, the "Going Merry" was the only ship that wasn't covered in slime. It's actually pretty clean. So far I like them.

Then HE came out from under the deck.

Muscle, so much rippling muscle. While I am used to meat heads like Ikkaku, this guy was just, Godly. He was wearing a gorgeous royal blue top, it clung to him like a second skin. And the color went insanely well with his skin tone and flotsam green hair. I was almost salivating. Almost. I'm too beautiful for that.

He had excellent taste in earrings too, three expensive looking ones on one ear.

I stood there for awhile, watching his body ripple as he cleaned the deck. I think I'm in love. No one other than me should look that good cleaning.

I was brought out of my wonderful haze by the sound of his crew-mates or whatever they're called, coming back. Noisy bitches. There was a very fugly man wearing overalls, a greasy looking man, I think he was their cook so that's understandable. The girl was uninteresting and the cabin boy was rather annoying and wore a hideous straw hat.

I decided to go back and tell Kenpachi-taichou I'd found the targets. They didn't give me hardly enough praise. I hate him again today.

Tomorrow I'll go seduce, wait I mean introduce myself to him. He obviously needs more of me in his life.

I hope it isn't humid. I need to look as sexy as possible, not that  
that's hard for me.

Beautifully Yours,

Yumi

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

April 25

Location: Tortuga

Weather: Cool, a little windy

I found him on the ship sleeping. He was every bit as sexy as yesterday. My prefect match.

I wore a red top, the kind you're supposed to role almost to your elbows. I matches my feathers almost perfectly. I also made sure my pants clung to my ass the right way. I am so damn hot.

I decided to just approach him head on. I climbed onto the ship and walked up to him.

FLASHBACK GOD'S DIARY

Yumichika sauntered over to where Zoro was sleeping.

"Hey there."

Zoro woke with a start. From the walking pattern he'd been expecting Nami, not this... man? Yeah, the shoulders were too broad to be a woman.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"A friend, sent to look over you. You can call me Yumichika."

"...to look over me? What the fuck is going on?" An angel? That  
explains why he was so pretty. Normal guys aren't pretty like that.

"You're gonna die soon, and I'm supposed to make sure you get to  
the right place after that." Yumichika giggle-cooed.

Zoro shuddered at the soft noise. Was this man drunk? He seemed out of it enough.

"Don't believe me, do you? That's okay. Don't look so  
confused, it makes you look less beautiful."

Zoro's face went bright red. This was too weird, but he couldn't make  
himself try to get rid of this nut job.

"Not very talkative, are you baby?" Yumichika giggled again. Yumi sat  
down right across from his prey, spreading his legs open suggestively.

Totally flustered, Zoro tried to make words but nothing would come out. He kept opening and closing his mouth like a land bound fish.

"That shirt looks good on you, Zoro-chan. Is it silk?"

"Ye... wait. How do you know my name? Who are you?! I want some  
answers!" Zoro pinned Yumi to the deck floor faster than Yumi thought  
possible for a human. It was surprisingly sexy.

"I know you're name because you're my charge. You're whole  
crew too, but I'm not as interested in them. I'm just a friend, and for  
now all you need to know is that I'm looking out for you."

Yumichika's lips nearly brushed Zoro's as he spoke. The truth was  
he'd heard his attacker's crew mates say his name as they passed him in  
the street. But he didn't need to know that.

Zoro's heart beat faster, the angel theory becoming stronger in his mind.  
Fuck, he might as well ask.

"S-so your my guardian angel, like in the b-bible?" Zoro cursed  
himself for stuttering like a moron.

"I can be. Angel I mean. I'm not allowed to save you. It would disrupt  
the balance, plus we have plans for you."

Yumi bite his lip as he watched the bigger man think things over. He shifted slightly, gasping at the friction. How hadn't he noticed Zoro was between his legs. His eyes were barely open enough to see Zoro's face contort with pleasure.

"Why... why should I believe any of this? Why shouldn't I just kill  
you now?"

"Because 1: I'm too beautiful to die, and 2: I doubt you could if you  
tried."

END GOD'S POV

After that we sparred, his wonderful body almost distracted me enough for him to win. But I did win of course. My hair was very mussy after though. Zoro didn't seem to mind. He was too busy looking at my ass. Adorable little  
pervert.

He wasn't injured too badly, but I did get him to take his shirt off so I could get some eye candy. And put some healing balm on his bruises. But mostly to get some eye candy.

He had the most beautiful scars, my favorite was one that ran across his chest diagonally. It was clean and straight, and broke up his olive skin in a way that was perfectly artistic.

I'm actually writing this from his room. He thought it would be a good idea to keep me, since I'm his angel.

I am an angel aren't I?

I wonder if Ikkaku and Kenpachi will survive without me. Probably not. Sucks for them.

Beautifully Yours,

Yumi

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

April 26, 1708

Location: Zoro-chan's bedroom

Weather: Drizzling, I think. I haven't been on deck yet today.

Zoro-chan is so cute when he's flustered. And with his temper it's  
really not all that hard.

I spent most of the evening complimenting him and myself. He doesn't need all my attention.

But I think he might be interested. In my ass at least, it seems to be what he likes to stare at the most. I must admit, it is a fine ass. But when I called him out on it he threw a fit about how I was the perv, not him.

I also got the horror of meeting his crew mates.

The girl wasn't bad as far as the female gender goes. I don't have  
anything against women, but my sword gives me all the vanity and nagging I can handle. I have no idea where he gets it. I think her name is Nami, we did have a moderately interesting conversation involving fabric. I think I'm might get her a nicer shirt, that blue one she's got is so blah.

The cook was disgusting. He smelled like smoke and rotting fish, his eyebrows were hideous, his clothes screamed gigolo, and he thought I was a girl at first. (He was all over me until he noticed the lack of breasts, then he looked like he wanted to kill himself) If I hadn't been in such a graceful and pleasant mood, I might have killed him. And I didn't want to risk getting kicked off the ship.

His food wasn't bad though. We had miso soup and marinated eel with jasmine rice and steam vegetables.

The kid I had assumed to be cabin boy turned out to be the captain. He reminded me of Yachiru, but instead of a candy fixation he had an thing for meat. Whatever. He was happy to have me onboard though, and kept pestering me about joining his crew. Other than lacking any beauty sense and being obnoxious he wasn't too bad. Luffy, I think he said his name was.

There also was a fugly guy, I tried to block him out. And it pretty much worked.

After dinner I followed Zoro back into his room, and with much protest on his part, got us into bed together.

GOD'S POV

"How the fuck did I get stuck with you as my angel?" Zoro turned in  
his queen sized bed so he was facing the open air, and not the pretty man next to him, wishing he was drunk.

"You love me, you just don't know it yet." Yumichika giggle-cooed  
again. "C'mon Zoro-chan, let's spoon. You can even be the big spoon  
if you want!"

Yumi's breath on the back of his neck was almost too much to handle. For a second he considered holding the stranger, but had a feeling that the other man's tight ass against his cock might end in something he'd regret. He felt two slender hands slid up his torso and stroke his pecks and abs.

"YOU FUCKING STOP THAT!" Zoro roared, with more anger than intended.  
It was taking every inch of willpower he had not to rape his bed mate in the first place, he didn't need the extra temptation. Though part of him had a feeling anything sexual with the 'angel' wouldn't be rape.

"But Zoro-chaaaan! You're the first person I've met thats almost  
as attractive as me! Think how pretty our babies would be!"

The teasing was pushing him into places he didn't want to go.  
"DON'T CALL ME ZORO-CHAN! AND WE CAN'T HAVE BABIES, WE'RE BOTH  
MEN!"

"Mmmm, maybe we should try it anyway, neh?"

Veins popped out of Zoro's forehead, his whole body was shaking with  
frustration and embarrassment.

Yumi chuckled at the man beside him. His hands slid from Zoro's chest to his neck and shoulders, rubbing them firmly. "You aren't the best at  
flirting are you?" Yumi whispered softly into the pierced ear.

After Zoro had calmed down and started groaning softly Yumi stopped. "Now we have to spoon to pay me back for the massage!"

Zoro glared into space before turning around to face the other man. Neither were wearing shirts, and Zoro took a moment to admire the other man's creamy skin, stopping when his groin began to feel hot and heavy.

"Its okay to be hard, it's not like I'm the kind of slut that puts out  
right away, and I know you aren't either. Anyway, I'm hard too. Now  
spoon me!"

Zoro just stared at Yumichika for awhile. His eyebrows furrowed in though for a few seconds. "Turn around then."

Smiling in victory, Yumichika complied. He let a satisfied sigh escape his lips as he felt Zoro's well defined chest press up against his back, and big arms coil around his waist, not to mention the impressive arousal against his ass. This was gonna be good.

Zoro put his nose in the crook of Yumi's neck. He smelled of sweat, musk and softly of flowers. It had a strange calming affect, and along with the sound of his flamboyant bed-partner's smooth breathing, he was soon into one of the best nights of sleep he'd ever had.

END GOD'S POV

That was divine.

I can't wait for him to die so we can sleep in my wonderful bed together.

But I'll have to be patient. I've waited hundreds of years to find some  
one like him, I can wait a few decades more for him to die if need be.

Just cause the general said they'd die soon doesn't mean its really is soon. The geezer's like a million years old, soon to him might be a century.

After I woke up, I just watched him for maybe half an hour. I was planning on waiting for him to wake up, I find it rude when the person I've been sharing a bed with just leaves, even if it's just Ikkaku or something.

But one can only wait so long, and there was a delicious breakfast of orange muffins and coffee. Nami explained to me a little about herself and the oranges, how her mother used to grow them for her and her sister, and how her mother died for her.

So naturally I had to up her one, telling her about my childhood as a the son of the most beautiful "lady of the evening" in the higher numbered districts of the soul society, how I had met Ikkaku when one of the customers my mother turned down tried for me instead and how Ikkaku saved me, and how I had spent the rest of my time with him, trying to pay him back. (Panda: I know this didn't happen, suck it up, its AU)

I like her, she pitied me in just the right way, and remember to tell me how beautiful my mother must have been with me as her son.

The cook looked like his brain was about to melt out of his ears in jealousy at me being the center of Nami's attention, especially when she hugged me.

Serves that grease ball right, too bad I'm too nice to use Nami to my  
advantage. And too queer.

Again, not that I hate women, Rangiku's my best friend after Ikkaku. I just don't need that.

Zoro woke up shortly after Nami and I started a conversation about my feathers, and immediately picked a fight with the blond stooge. It warmed my heart to see we had a shared hatred of him.

Nami and I soon tired of their screeching though, so we decided to go window shopping in one of the cleaner districts of Tortuga. It was nice, I did buy her a new shirt, it was green and resembled a kimono with a flower pattern stitched into the fabric. I even managed to compliment her without vomiting. Other than with Zoro, I don't compliment readily. My presence really should be enough for people.

We ate lunch at a small lunch at a bar, where we ran into Ikkaku.

What is it with girls and guys with "shaved" heads? I swear, it's  
like the eighth time some girl has gone crazy over Ikkaku's shiny scalp.

Every time he said something remotely clever she was giggling like a moron. When the three of us left she clung to his arm like some weird sort of parasite. It was revoltingly cute. Too bad Ikkaku's taken, they might be cute together. But there's no fucking way he'd give up Kira-chan.

After aimlessly wandering around the less-than-cleanly streets we made it back to the Going Merry, where Nami promised Ikkaku the best dinner of his life.

Zoro seemed to have missed me, repeatedly asking where I had gone and why I had left him. I've known him for a day and he's all ready needy. Perfect.

We had a delicious dinner of Teppan Chicken and lightly grilled sesame tuna. For a greasy fuckwad, he's not bad in the kitchen. I guess I won't kill him. For now.

Ikkaku left, much to the relief of greasy-cook. He mumbled something about telling Yachiru where I was.

After an hour or two of chatting softly with Zoro and Nami, Zoro got up for bed, heavily hinted he wanted me to follow. He's not a very subtle man when he wants something.

The second I had closed the door behind me, he pinned me to the wall.

GOD'S DIARY

Zoro was breathing hard, his hands pressed firmly on either side of Yumi's  
head.

"I thought you left for good." His face reddened and he looked to the  
ground.

"No. I just got bored of listening to you and the grease ball  
bickering."

Upon "grease ball" Zoro couldn't help but smile at their shared  
dislike of Sanji.

He stood there for awhile, he could feel Yumichika studying his face as he  
looked to the ground.

"I don't get it. You're vain, annoying, inconsiderate, and  
I've known you for a little over day."

The blood rose in Yumichika's face. "Well, if I'm awful maybe I'll just fucking leave!"

He squirmed to get away from the bigger man when Zoro pushed him against the wall as hard as he could. Their eyes met, Yumi's angry, Zoro's confused and lusty.

"Don't. Don't ever leave." Zoro cupped his face and kissed him on the forehead. "Let's go to bed."

END GOD'S DIARY

He spooned me again that night. I think I'll spend the day with him tomorrow.

Beautifully Yours,

Yumi


End file.
